Martian Interlude I, image by AC Evans
SPEED DATING IN
VIENNA
I Balloon Time
Basque string garter sapphire silk
Satin and gold
Brassy barmaids reeking of Crème Shalimar
Right kiddies, its balloon time!
Wanna surprise? Just tap the app!
The following report contains some extremely
distressing scenes:
Oooh, wow! Look at that!
Escape from the city, and say Goodnight Vienna…
Scorching shots of babes in outlandish tracksuits
And slinky, silk-mix crop tops.
II Momentos Magicos
Dealing with all these stray landings and sex kittens
Is thirsty work, I tell you, I kid you not,
But such momentos
magicos, when a Robot Ripper
Hits town, it’s like no place on Earth (it isn’t).
They call it ‘Vienna’, a crazy, neon venue
On the third moon of some godforsaken, far away planet,
Where underground spaces have so many secrets, like
Shady caverns where everything gets fun and flirty,
and
Miss Titfer Tat serves up a hot scandi with raw
emotion.
Crumbly mascara? Way too shy to say ‘hi’?
III Flicka Vee
Re-tune that up-to-the-minute chat technique,
Concentrate on map reading, all day every day.
She looked rather swotty and clever in those cat eye specs.
Snappy clappy? I’m good! You?
(Stop me if you’ve heard this one).
Nice little squirmer, the chirpy, cheeky barman
thought,
As, with a cheesy grin, he shook another cocktail.
There he was, putting the tease into the teaser,
Explaining invisible mending to our feisty
Warrior queen space cadet, Flicka Vee, and –
IV The Darkstar Celeste
She loves it here,
This is a deep controlled zone, stylish bedrooms and
much more,
Including obscure vision-enforcement cameras,
Sub-woofs, strobes, and parquet under the arches with
live convergence.
Visions
of Ulrika
lit up the Panavision-Cinerama-Stealth-Moon-Holistic
You- know-what, so what?
I’ve got a cosmic headache, she moaned suggestively,
looking out for
The Darkstar
Celeste looming towards us from the Ring of Junk.
Moody underground dance floor jiving Pom Pom Club clubbers
Stagey bandstands with handstands – quite a show,
speed along now!
V A Shot of Old
Peculiar
We’re back on the road after a swift encounter with
Magda Heartthrob.
Finally a bit of a no-no, all those axe-throwing punks
and right-on geezers,
But gives the adrenalin a turbo boost – just what the
doctor ordered,
After a tip-top warp drive speed dating workshop and a
shot of Old Peculiar.
She’s hopelessly addicted to the hidden garden round
the back with
Future nostalgia opening soon: ales, stouts, oysters
and a sinister, one-eyed
Chap with a barrel organ and a fine line in ribald double entendres,
A Grand Parade of fine wines and parties with multi-drop
drivers.
Do something amazing today: write a thrilling
bonk-buster, all solemn and
Emotional: it makes the news even more shocking.
VI What Are You?
Get ‘The Look’, get a life,
This Vienna thing means nothing you know;
Nothing to me – nothing to you.
Your words not ours.
Low cut strappy top, Tween Angels, and
A Lotto Gran, and, yes!
The sexiest trainee barista this side of the Outer
Planets,
Blonde girl in beanie and hoodie, double trouble,
You’re just a backless loafer, what are you?
Let’s get outta here!
—AC Evans
