Eat My Shorts
(and other minimal is mmmms)
EATING CHICKEN FOR THE FIRST TIME
You’re gonna love it!
G’wan! Take a bite...
Mmmmm. You’re so right.
Tastes like... rattlesnake!
EAT MY SHORTS (PERFECT PAIRINGS)
An ice cold bottle of beer, preferably Pauli Girl
Lagavuolin (Cutty Sark if you’re the stereotypical cheapskate)
Jose Cuervo (neat)
Rolling Rock Beer
Bourbon & Water
Givenchy Ticker Tracks for Men
Cambridge Distillery Watenshi Martini (with a whiff of vermouth)
A sip or two of Frangelico
Note: There are so many kinds of shorts—we cannot possibly cover all
of them here. email a jpeg of your butt-ware, and we will get back to you
within 30 days so you can sip “beverage divine” with your gourmet meal.
LIZ GIVES ROBERT THE SKINNY
How do I love thee?
I’m no good at math—
But I have a sexy black negligée
And I just took a bubble bath!
“AN OLD CLICHÉ”
ON THE ART OF ESCAPING THE PAPARAZZI
Is a sixth sense for detecting binoculars
Embedded in their DNA?
The moment we raise Wingspans or Bushnells to our eyes
They fly away.
TO BE PUBLISHED ONLY IF HE KICKS
THE BUCKET — BEFORE HIS MUMMY….
The Prince so wanted to be King.
The Queen so wanted not to Die.
Dame Fortune stung a double sting.
Neither got what they wanted (sigh).