Eat
My Shorts
(and
other minimal
is mmmms)
EATING
CHICKEN FOR THE FIRST TIME
You’re
gonna love it!
G’wan!
Take a bite...
Mmmmm.
You’re
so right.
Tastes
like... rattlesnake!
EAT
MY SHORTS (PERFECT PAIRINGS)
Hot Pants
An ice cold bottle
of beer, preferably Pauli Girl
Kilts
Lagavuolin (Cutty Sark if you’re the
stereotypical cheapskate)
Toreador Shorts
Jose Cuervo (neat)
Cargo Shorts
Rolling Rock Beer
Speedos
Bourbon & Water
Givenchy Ticker Tracks for Men
Cambridge Distillery Watenshi
Martini (with a whiff of vermouth)
Bikinis
A sip or two of Frangelico
Note: There are so many kinds of
shorts—we cannot possibly cover all
of them here. email a jpeg of your butt-ware,
and we will get back to you
within 30 days so you can sip “beverage divine” with
your gourmet meal.
TRUE STORY
the
reality
of
fiction
is
all
in
your
mind
LIZ GIVES ROBERT THE SKINNY
How do I love
thee?
I’m no good at math—
But I have a sexy black negligée
And I just took a bubble bath!
“AN
OLD CLICHÉ”
is
a
cliché
ON THE ART OF ESCAPING THE
PAPARAZZI
Is a sixth sense for detecting
binoculars
Embedded in their DNA?
The moment we raise Wingspans or
Bushnells to our eyes
They fly away.
TO BE PUBLISHED ONLY IF HE KICKS
THE BUCKET — BEFORE HIS MUMMY….
The Prince so wanted to be King.
The Queen so wanted not to Die.
Dame Fortune stung a double sting.
Neither got what they wanted (sigh).
—David Alpaugh
